I don't really know where to go from here. I think I might be suffering with depression and now my mood and general attitude towards life and the people in my life is taking a turn for the worst. My boyfriend asked me what I did with the old me (and I know which one he's referring to) the happy me, the positive and outgoing me I was when we first met 2 years ago.
Back in May last year I was still living an independant life. I lived in a rented house with my sister I went to work 26 hrs a week and I saw my boyfriend pretty much most evenings. Myself and my sister had been living together for about 2 years and I always knew it was never going to be a permenant thing as eventually we aimed to live seperate lives and get homes with our respective other halves. This (for my sister) came pretty fast after them getting together and as a result I had to move back in with my parents (being in no financial position to afford rent solo)
Moving back in with my family was supposed to be temporary whilst myself and the bf saved up for our own rented property... unfortunately this has now dragged on longer than we expected due to a bunch of bad decisions I made afterwards.
I left my 26 hr p/w job in retail being offered a 40hr p/w contract in an admin role. After only a month of being in my new job the company went into liquidation, leaving me unemployed. I went on jobseekers and like many others applied furiously for everything and anything going, admin, retail, you name it. Finally I was accepted for another retail vacancy (not my ideal/dream job, but still a job) so I took it. Now I've been working there since September last year and I've steadily been becoming more and more withdrown, less outgoing, struggling to find motivation to do anything, see people, etc and nothing makes me feel excited or happy really.
I'm not earning much and rarely can afford to go out or buy things for myself. I hardly ever see friends now usually because I can so easily talk myself out of social gatherings etc. I'm not very chatty when im around people and struggle to find anything interesting to talk about.
I feel horrible everyday about something or other, I feel like I've messed everything up and let people down, I feel like a burden on my family and my boyfriend as all I seem to do is get upset and cry a lot or be very silent and overthink things.
I have no career goals. I have a degree and am doing nothing with it due to lack of motivation and confidence in my own ability. I'm not academic so will never fit into a skilled profession.
I just don't know what to do. I've considered anti-depressants but worry about what kind of person I'd become on them. I dont think I can take much more of blaming everyone else for how crap everything has turned out.
In spite of my horrible attitude my boyfriend still wants to be with me so he hasn't given up on me. I'm just afraid I've given up on myself.
Sorry about the lengthiness just wanted to get all that out of my system.
ANY HELP APPRECIATED