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I feel so depressed and I hate myself sometimes, what do I do?

I'll start off by telling you major things I can remember that have affected me throughout life. My parents divorced when I was 1, and my mom remarried a marine when I was 3. The divorce never bothered me really, but my stepdad was a jerk. He never hit me or molested me, but he was mean with his words.  When I was 6 i was molested by my grandfather. I told my dad, but he did not believe me...he even told me not to tell me mom. Well I didn't tell my mom until a year later. Her and my stepdad both took him to court and I was in court for years. I saw many councelors, but at that young of an age, I. Didn't think I needed it. After that the only things major that I had to deal with was my stepdad... He was just mean. Then when I turned 16 his mom died. He began drinking all the time...  And this only escalated his negativity. He began to abuse my mom in front of me and my brothers. I called the cops many times and some cops sided with him because he was a marine and others took him in. Those last two years of me leaving with him he cussed me like a dog, he said really mean and hurtful things. Like your a stupid piece of shit and I hate you. My mom would tell him to stop, but in my heart I felt like she was putting him before me and my brothers. The last major thing he did was get in a wreck with my brother while he was drunk. My mom still is with him. I really do love him because he's been in my life so long, an he has seemed to care a few times. Now I'm  living with my boyfriend and we have been together  a year and a half. He's a very loving and caring man. But the smallest things he might do effect me and make me depressed.

asked Sep 7, 2012 in Depression by anonymous

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1 Answer

And when I'm in the car alone I always think about my stepdad and me fighting.  I get depressed, jealous, angry, sad, and suicidal now because of all of this.
answered Sep 7, 2012 by anonymous