I don’t know where to start. Anyway I was abused when I was a child. I had a rough life for sometimes .it was full of fear and pain. days passed and I am 23 now …I have a strong personality , I like goodness for people …I don’t hurt others …i don’t hold grudge . I like to stay alone most of the time not because I can’t communicate with people , it’s just the opposite …people who encounter with me like me …and I can easily make friends …I have a fine way of speaking to people. But with all of that I chose to be alone. not completely anyway I have only one close friend …I don’t see him really every day …maybe couple of times a week . I do have a girl friend … I’m telling you all of this because I’m trying to make you know me .let’s start with my problem … unfortunately I abused and tortured animals when I was a kid and a teenager …but not many ..Only few birds, one cat and hedgehog as far as I remember. That was long time ago …but shockingly it happened again recently. I found a small cat on the street …I think it was lost … i took it in to take care of it and I did .one day not long after I found it. I don’t really know how exactly it happened, but I throw the cat up and catch it again. it was just for playing at first …but then it’s like something got into me and I start to throw the cat higher and higher and catch it …I was enjoying watching that cat being afraid and then I started to get more violent …then I strangled the cat repeatedly..i was trying to stop myself …I was shocked …what the hell I am doing, but still I couldn’t control it …then I stopped after struggling with myself …I stopped because I know god is watching and I was afraid of his punishment . It happened again after that for 2 times and I got more aggressive. i beat it ,drown it , strangled it and threw it around . After that when I saw things got out of control with that small poor cat , I gave it to my girlfriend .and since then I am thinking what the hell is wrong with me .I was struggling with myself not to torture the cat every time I hold it after the first incident. beside that I have marks on my hand caused by knife …I did those marks after I did some things I’m ashamed of ,and I was very angry whenever I did those marks…I even made tattoos on my arms with knife …but I stopped doing that …I like violence …but not hurting people .maybe bad people I wouldn’t mind.im doing martial arts …I think it’s a good way to release my anger. So what is wrong with me ? this is the first time I share this with anyone .. I am ashamed of what I did , and never will forget it .