Well I don't really know if I want bad things eg rape to happen to me as I get scared that will happen if I'm walking home in the dark. But I've had thoughts like this for a few years now but I've been ashamed to admit it or say things about it until recently. I've seen quite a lot of questions posted that are similar to my situation and the details are similar to mine too. Well, I think a lot about situations where bad things happen to me eg abuse, rape, suffering etc and for some reason I feel as though if these things happened to me then I'd be special, inspirational, more respected and cared for and I would have an extraordinary story in my life as opposed to just living an ordinary life. When I hear about other people suffering or going through a lot I sometimes kind of want to go through a lot too. I feel as though if bad things happened to me then people would take me more seriously and I would have a reason to get upset about things. It sounds bad but someone has told me once that they could see me becoming a domestically abused wife because of my personality and another person said they had 2 dreams where I was abused by men and for some reason I would feel kind of special if I went through these things. I am sometimes convinced that I have a form of OCD but when some people have told me I don't have it, I feel a little disappointed and ordinary. One of my friends went through a hard time and when she was crying about it, my other friends were comforting her and wanted to cry for her. I was comforting her too and a little later I was sad for a while about something. I imagined what it would be like if I cried over my situation and had my friends cry over me and feel bad for me (I did cry a few times but not in front of them). This also sounds bad but sometimes I fear that bad things will happen to my friends - partly because I care about them and don't want them to get hurt but partly because I worry that I'll be jealous of the attention or sympathy they'll get. When I have thoughts like this, I try to make them go away and I feel bad and selfish for thinking that. I have been trying to stop this way of thinking by being more empathetic and asking them about their problems but I still get them. Could they be psychologically wrong? Sorry it's long, thank you :)