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Need to know about more my fantasy!Possible causes and anything related!

I fantasise(and often masturbate to) cocooning by driders or half-human , half-spiders (but not necesarily)and especially sucking the life out of them ! I've had this fantasy as long as I can remember it .

  My first recollection of it was when I watched a horror movie about some giant radioactive spiders terorizing a small county city. I remeber this scene where there were some teenagers passing through the spider lair , and they watched the spider queen probe in a cocoon and devoured the human that was inside, slowly devoiding him of any life.I had a warm fuzzy feeling inside.Could have this been the starting point of my fantasies or was it prior to it? I am baised towards the latter.

  I know I'm not a psychopath , quite the opposite . I easily emphasise with people quite easily.But I lack a strong morale conciousness because I feel that I could do anything to people to feed my sexual drives.It seems conflicting and I know one of the parts in me is lying , but there is no way of knowing for sure which one.

  I feel that finding more about this fantasy could help me find more about myself.It's been bugging me for a long, but I shall not confront anyone in person with it or do anything that isn't rational.

   Some information that may help : I'm a 19  y/o boy virgin and I also get turned on by being dominated through bondage!Could  have this fantasy evolved from the point where I'm masochistic to the point where I like to dominate others? After I masturbate ,I have the strong urge to acomplish this fantasy , could this just be the high flow of serotonin and adrenaline?I masturbate 3-4 times per day, this clearly indicates a disorder. Please help me understand !

( I'm not  looking for professional help yet , just some insight.)



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1 Answer

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"Something that already existed in your psyche" , so you are saying we are born with these fetishes?That's possibly the answer I was looking for: if I was born with it or if it was developed over time!
by (120 points)
How exactly would I find out if I'm a manipulator or not?I feel I know myself very little , I cannot distinguish between my ego and me.
by (120 points)
Silly me , you were referring to other claimed-to-be psychologists !
by (120 points)
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I don't really see it as a problem. I've come a long way embracing it.And I think it's been in me for along time. A sadistic tendency to hurt women(haven't mention it ,before).It's been in me since the day I was born.The only problem would be not to identify with it.
by (120 points)
Does it help if I say I'm under pressure from my parents to succeed at anything I do (school, love , job),so they are never truly proud about myself,my father is an alcoholic. And I was always rejected by woman so I made a vow to not try anymore in order to not feel pain.I was also bullied for a long time when I used to practice sports.Sure sounds like a psychological murder profile!
by (120 points)
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You misunderstood, on the contrary , my family loved me very much.It was the women I wanted to date that rejected me.It happened about 4-5 times.
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