I fantasise(and often masturbate to) cocooning by driders or half-human , half-spiders (but not necesarily)and especially sucking the life out of them ! I've had this fantasy as long as I can remember it .
My first recollection of it was when I watched a horror movie about some giant radioactive spiders terorizing a small county city. I remeber this scene where there were some teenagers passing through the spider lair , and they watched the spider queen probe in a cocoon and devoured the human that was inside, slowly devoiding him of any life.I had a warm fuzzy feeling inside.Could have this been the starting point of my fantasies or was it prior to it? I am baised towards the latter.
I know I'm not a psychopath , quite the opposite . I easily emphasise with people quite easily.But I lack a strong morale conciousness because I feel that I could do anything to people to feed my sexual drives.It seems conflicting and I know one of the parts in me is lying , but there is no way of knowing for sure which one.
I feel that finding more about this fantasy could help me find more about myself.It's been bugging me for a long, but I shall not confront anyone in person with it or do anything that isn't rational.
Some information that may help : I'm a 19 y/o boy virgin and I also get turned on by being dominated through bondage!Could have this fantasy evolved from the point where I'm masochistic to the point where I like to dominate others? After I masturbate ,I have the strong urge to acomplish this fantasy , could this just be the high flow of serotonin and adrenaline?I masturbate 3-4 times per day, this clearly indicates a disorder. Please help me understand !
( I'm not looking for professional help yet , just some insight.)
My first recollection of it was when I watched a horror movie about some giant radioactive spiders terorizing a small county city. I remeber this scene where there were some teenagers passing through the spider lair , and they watched the spider queen probe in a cocoon and devoured the human that was inside, slowly devoiding him of any life.I had a warm fuzzy feeling inside.Could have this been the starting point of my fantasies or was it prior to it? I am baised towards the latter.
I know I'm not a psychopath , quite the opposite . I easily emphasise with people quite easily.But I lack a strong morale conciousness because I feel that I could do anything to people to feed my sexual drives.It seems conflicting and I know one of the parts in me is lying , but there is no way of knowing for sure which one.
I feel that finding more about this fantasy could help me find more about myself.It's been bugging me for a long, but I shall not confront anyone in person with it or do anything that isn't rational.
Some information that may help : I'm a 19 y/o boy virgin and I also get turned on by being dominated through bondage!Could have this fantasy evolved from the point where I'm masochistic to the point where I like to dominate others? After I masturbate ,I have the strong urge to acomplish this fantasy , could this just be the high flow of serotonin and adrenaline?I masturbate 3-4 times per day, this clearly indicates a disorder. Please help me understand !
( I'm not looking for professional help yet , just some insight.)