You told yourself : '' I have PTSD and anxiety ''. Your current attitude is the symptom of this disorder.
For get rid of this PTSD, whose the cause(s) is unconscious for you (right now), you should to go see a Psychoanalyst** for do a work on yourself. That means : revive the painful experiences from your past. Once they are revived, they disappear and so, stop to ' haunt ' you.
** Psychologists / simple therapists and psychiatrists are not adapted, because of they don't deal with what is unconscious and subconscious, contrary to the psychoanalysts.
If money is a problem, think that most psychoanalysts adapt their prices in accordance with the income of people. More, you're totally free to search another if the first ones you found don't do that.