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My best friend is in love with me. How do I back off without destroying the friendship?

We've been friends for nearly 8 years now, and we had a physical-type relationship at one point. We've since become "just friends" but she's made it pretty abundantly clear that she'd like to be more, and has started also to be more physical with me- sitting closer, flirting and holding me longer than usual. I'm having a hard time saying no, I think partially because of our history. I have a hard time telling what my feelings are for her. I didn't think of us as anything other than friends until this point.

At the same time I don't want to shatter her marriage or our friendship. She's married to a great guy who really genuinely loves her and her kid. It's also stressful on our friendship- I'm always questioning every little thing now, and I feel like I'm either walking on glass or contribiting to an affair. I know I should back away, but it seems like every time I do, she has another severe depressive episode. On top of that, she's my best friend- and I don't really want to end the friendship all together.

What behaviors are appropriate? What behaviors should I absolutely stop? Do I just back away all together? I don't want to be "the other woman" here. I just want to be a helpful and supportive friend. How do I back away without withdrawing completely?

asked May 15, 2013 in General Psychology by anonymous

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1 Answer

WHOA... she is married??  Exit the relationship immediately.  Call her out on her bull!  If you are a real friend, you will do it.  Just tell her 'hey what the heck is wrong with you? get your act together and stop trying to play with fire or you will lose your friend, your husband and your family'.

a real friend calls you on your bull and gives you a reality check!!

If that doesnt work, put some distance between you for a good long stretch. She will get some perspective and begin to understand what you were talking about and maybe then you can resume your friendship.

She may have issues that are causing her to act this way but its not YOURS to fix.  She needs to sort it out.

If you distance yourself and she pursues you, tell her you are going to her husband is she doenst respect your wishes, her marriage and HERSELF!
answered May 23, 2014 by because Im Happy