I feel like I'm worthless, a liar, not worth it, and so much more, all the time. There's like up's and down's. When I am with people who know me I act all funny and stuff, with strangers I don't speak, but once I'm alone or in a situation where nobody knows me my feelings get through. In the evening and night it's the worst. I've had this for the last 3 years... that was when some pretty awful things happened. But my brother stil perfectly fine and all the same. Why am I like this? I don't trust anybody, the only "person" I tell about my feelings is my diary. I doubt myself and hate me for everything I do, I am and I don't. I feel like I can't talk to anyone. I don't want to be a burden or trouble anybody in any way. I always help people with their problems and that's the short time when I feel a little bit better. But still it's all here. That is why I'm about to study psychology too. I have the urge to help others. But is it true that to become psychiatrist you have to go to one yourself before? I can't do that. Is there any way I can help myself? I could at least give it a try. I wrote much, sorry 'bout that. Hope you understand, english's not my frist language and it's all mixed up too. Thank you!