What's wrong with me?

Question

I am 13 years old. theres been alot of problems at my house. my family argues alot, and I think my parents are going to divorce eachother. Everyone in my house seems to have their word ending and as the middle child I never seem to get much attention in between it all. I am not complaining about that.

the thing is, i'm a girl. Before any of this started, i cried about as often as any every day grade school girl would. then I got into 8th grade and my family started flipping out and my friends all suddenly hated eachother. you'd think that that woud make me cry more, but the truth is, i'm now in 8th grade and havent cried in about eight months now.

Personality changes in that time include a change from straightfoward and proud to secluded and quiet. I care alot about what people think and say about me now. while i'm often really polite, i don't let news affect me as much as it seems to hit other people. sometimes i feel like I'm being cold because of this. it's not an inability to produce tears or anything medical, i don't think. it's just, i haven't felt sad to the extent of crying, i guess. maybe I have. actually I seriously don't know. that's why I'm here...

All and all, i'm really just worried about my inability to cry. I really don't know why i can't. i feel colder and more detached than the rest of my friends. Do you have any suggestions for a possible cause?

Answer 1

I think it's interesting that you are the middle child. Middle children tend to be easy to get along with. They can hang out with the older siblings or play happily with younger ones. They also tend to be peacemakers. You want everyone to be happy. You often take the responsibility for that on yourself. Things tend to affect you a little more than others. You might take things more personally than other people. With a family in turmoil you probably feel overwhelmed by it all and helpless to change things.  Your way of dealing with it is to turn off the emotions in the attempt to not feel the pain that comes with fear and loss. You want to be strong. It can be especially difficult if you feel you have no one to talk to.  Children rely on their parents for protection and security. When parents fight and the threat of divorce is in the air it can be frightening for a child. And you are at a very pivitol, emotionally charged, age as it is.  Everything you are feeling is normal. Fear, anxiety, frustration...Let yourself feel them. Allow yourself to grieve. Find someone, maybe an ecclesiastical leader or school counselor, you feel you can talk to. Maybe you're afraid to feel it and talk about it at home for fear of making things worse or more emotionally charged than they already are. Bless your heart for having to go through this. You sound like a very smart girl. Change can be scary and it can even be painful, but it can also be a great catalyst for growth.